25 February 2010

the best part of waking up...





I love when Zoe sleeps in my arms. She doesn't do it often anymore, but I have tricked the system this morning -- snatching her while she is still unconscious/too tired to do anything about it.
I have put off some school work to the last minute. A "Final Exam" today and a big project that I was warned, per instructions two weeks ago, not to wait until the last minute to attempt. I despise this class with the zeal I despised my accounting class. Perhaps it was naive of me to have higher expectations for my education than the community college has lived up to. I fault the disappointment I feel for the negligence and apathetic attitude I've kept in my courses this semester, but I also fear (question hard) that it's not in me to be a student (is it?).  I want to like school.  It would make sense because I love learning, but I eventually caught on -- I get the same 'A' on a carelessly written paper as I do a paper written after hours engrossed in deep thought about the subject and considerate construction/editing.  I resent that and have tired of the motions of busy work.  Where does this place the prospect of nursing school? Of my future? I feel very directionless right now, but that is another post.  I feel too absorbed with my life, sometimes, to truly concentrate or feel rewarded by what I have or could learn at the price it cost in hours away from my family and other stuff.  I need discipline, a match, and a good teacher to strike it against. =\  Maybe I have changed my mind and want to go to school to get a higher paying salary, save the riches of knowledge for when I have time...later.

Zoe has an ear infection on top of the torrential cold that refuses to grant us a breather. Get better, daughter. I really want to take her to the aquarium this weekend to make up for her birthday of being a shut-in.  When we came home from work and Ivia's yesterday, this was standing alone in the middle of the garage:

BJ said he hurried home and assembled it to surprise us. :)  Last week we decided it would be Zoe's birthday present, but the store was sold out.  We pulled her around the tight corners and narrow passages of the house in it, she was glowing with delight and erupted with tears the moment we stopped.  I am anxious for it to be warm enough to take her through the neighborhood.  I still remember my dad pulling me through our old neighborhood in my Radio Flyer, dogs barking wildly on the other side of the wooden fences as we'd pass, it's one of the most vivid memories I have retained from my childhood.  The luxury of them now astonishes me.  Cup holders, roomy seats, safety belts, back rests, and holes to fix a canopy into (sold separately).

  I've been dreaming of spring since October.  I've been deep in dreaming about a lot of things lately...

2 comments:

Mimi, that one girl said...

I will pull you and Miss Zoe in the spring if you want :)

Bailey Family said...

Happy birthday to that sweet little Z! How fun to come home to that awesome wagon. We got Reagan one not too long ago because last summer he LOVED everyone that he saw. She will love it! That is so fun that you have such sweet memories from your childhood. Those are the best to hang on to. We can meet up with our wagons and go for a walk when it warms up... we are dreaming of those sunny days as well!

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About Me

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I guess you're just what I needed.