I'll miss you, July.

A couple weekends ago my friend Jill invited Zoe and I along with Lindsay and her two boys out to the pool at her apartment complex. It was the first time for Zoe in a swimming pool, I had been anxiously waiting this landmark in time since she was born and it had arrived at last! I was sort of nervous how her fickle reactions to water would fare. (Mostly she loves it, but sometimes she refuses the bath tub.) I waded in with her snuggly in my arms as her body sank with mine and cool pool water encased us and a giddy smile immediately came across her face. The one that invites the question, “what is all this?!?!” We bobbed up and down she tried to back float and I put her in the ladybug floaty that had been patiently awaiting utilization in her closet for six months. She loved every moment of it. I got out and made her aunt Jill pose for pictures with her.

Jill and Lindsay were two of my best friends in middle school. The fates of High School teenage theatrics tore us apart and I never really heard from them again. A few years ago, B.J. and I were dining out at Market Street Grill (this was before baby, when we could afford it), and a cute little boy in the semi-circle booth next to us kept popping his rosy-cheeked face over the back of the seat and saying hi. When his mother got up and walked past our table toward the bathroom, the realization struck that it was my old friend Lindsay! We talked tentatively and made preparations to get together with Jill at Chili’s a few weekends later. We have been hanging out regularly since. Spending time with them is as comfortable and enjoyable now as it was then. It’s amazing how even after years and so many life changes your chemistry and care for certain people never changes. Our personalities still mesh perfectly together.

Hehe.  Koby is the cutest!  Even when I make him cry heavy saddest sobs when I poke his belly.

We had to make a sudden break when Zoe got sunscreen in her eye and Jill and I endured the longest walk in the blazing hot sun with a hysterical toddler, it was so sad, but she fell asleep on the car ride home.  Later that afternoon we drove out to Bountiful for the annual 24th Of July Parade in front of my Aunt DeAnne's apartment.  It's a tradition every year, and BJ was able to make it this year.  It's way fun to see all the kiddos and hang out making the occassional sarcastic comments to my sister and BJ about the "floats" as they go by. 

My cousin Katie and her youngest daughter Makenna. :)

This little girl instantly stole my heart. She was adorned in her princess dress and stood keyed up and devoted at the frontlines of the parade, cheering every passerby on and catching airborne candy. At one point, she came over and gave some of her candy to the babies, very sweet. I was so afraid her parents thought I was a creepy stalker as I stealthily snapped photos of her, but my desperation to capture her endearing spirit was stronger than fear of being a creep.

Pretty sister and her son Bentley.

Nana, Zoe, Makenna

Dad and my cousin's daugher, Katelyn.  All her kids are ridiculously gorgeous.

Zoe is fearless and seemed to think she belonged in the parade instead of just sitting on the sidelines watching. My mom is hooking into the back of her skirt to prevent that from happening as Zoe grins that mischievous grin.

Breast cancer awareness has never looked so cute!

Playing with her second cousin, Lindsey.

Sometimes you gotta give in to win.

Fernando's rotten fruit is all over our yard...yay.  Babies love rotten fruit.

What a week. 

What. A. Week.  

 Work has been so busy, social life has been busy, I am completely swept up and don't know how to talk anything meaningful with you right now, blog thing.  Last night we grilled and sat on a raggedy quilt in the backyard because Zoe refused to eat dinner inside.  Well, she refused to eat dinner, period.  Such a shocker, that one.    This backyard is going to feel  forlorn when the cold weather pushes us inside, we spend more time out here than we do in our home because Zoe stands at the windowed doors and cries, "ouuuussssiiiiiieeeeee! ouuuusssiiiiiieeeeee!!!!" and throws herself across the floor like a silent film actress until we comply with her heavy sob heartfelt demands.

I had a dream last night that I had a pet snake that was black and when I was holding him he would stretch out in my arms and become a cat and let me rub his belly.  He was so nice and I loved him, but he wanted to go play with his friends in the dirt and he burrowed deep down and I lost him and woke up sad.

As with hips, pictures don't lie.

I have the most beautiful daughter ever. 

Don't believe me? 

Ask the dishes.

I had too much fun last night and snuck in around midnight (details on that to come).  This girl wakes me up at four and insists on making my arms her bed, screaming everytime I set her down.  My drowsiness made me feel like it was God awful punishment, but now that I'm awake I like to think it's because she missed me. :)

Soul to squeeze...repeatedly squeeze.

We went camping last weekend.



Overall, it was a nice time. A nice memory. Best to stay a memory, as it was not without calamity. Not exactly one of those trips where everything falls into place. Quite the opposite, actually. I just had to cry a laugh after awhile. Cars broke down not once, twice, but three times. Lakes were closed due to overcrowding. Spices were neglected, food was bland. Midday beer migraines were had, an unpleasant confrontation with a law official occurred, and worst of all -- my bikini makes my boobs look small. Woe.


I've never seen so many stars though. One night after everyone retired to their respectful tents late, BJ and I lay on the blanket underneath the stars and just...gazed. The black sky is filled with constellations of freckles. It reminded me of my shoulders, since I have been looking at them a lot lately after my skin cancer scare. But unlike freckly skin, it's majesty gut-punched the breath out of me. Watching the sky from a place where the air is clearer of pollutants is something I will never grow sick of. I still remember learning about outer space in Challenger School. I have yet to feel a fascination so intense since. Well, maybe when I learned about dinosaurs, but I digress. I feel sad that I have to drive two hours away to see the true sky. My Mom said when she was a child she could see a thick blanket of stars from her house in Bountiful. I wonder if Zoe will ever be able to witness a star-abundant sky, or how far she will need to drive to get to it by then. 

Um, best road stop ever!

Smug boat faces.  And BJ's conehead (something got distorted in this photo. I doublechecked his head to make sure.)

My friend, Liz, came!  And she twirled Holly's Asian shade umbrella a lot and looked pretty in the sun doing it.

This is the sky as we were sitting around the camp fire drinking Diet Coke and thinking about dinner.

*

*

 She is 17 months tomorrow, and is a wrecking ball.  I think we cleaned these Q-tips up four times last night before they stayed in the packaging and I was able to setthem out of reach.  She kept saying, "NO, MINE!" (her new favorite words, on top of Zoe ("sowwy")) and grabbing them out before I could react, flinging them around the bathroom over and over again. Guess there is more toddler-proofing to be done.  She has so many  new words, I can't keep up with journaling them. I guess she is just that incredible.  It's impossible to be mad at her when she does these "bratty" things, but it does make me think, "hm.  maybe she will forgive me for not giving her a sibling.  ever. she can make friends, yeah?"

my love for her pardons her of everything that would otherwise make me yank my hair out

But another kid?  I just can't fathom loving another this way.

He he. :)  Itsa Zoebotso.  With a nice set of shark teeth

Over the river and through the woods...

Where's Waldo?

zoe's great-great-grandparents.

Yesterday evening, waiting until I-15 resolved itself of the rush commute, Michelle, BJ, Zoe, and I made an outing to Bountiful to surprise my Grandma and Grandpa Burton with a visit. My Mother’s parents.

Being in their home reminds me of my childhood. The decor, the scent, the vibe, it's almost stunning how the senses recollect more vivid memories than the mind. Nothing changes there, nothing. It’s comforting. I remember all the great times my sister and I had over there when we were children, and it makes me feel less guilty for leaving Zoe with my parent’s now and then while BJ and I go out. Personally, I am thrilled to have those memories with my Grandparents. Even the one where she scolded me for eating my carrots before the blessing.

I remember random things about spending time with them:

• 
  
  The discarded toothpaste tube that was flattened in the road like paper from all the cars that drove over it on our walks across the street to Winegars, where she would let us pick out puzzles and The Little Critter books.
• 
  
  Waking up to her cooking us breakfast in the morning. She would express amusement telling me (as if it was the most exceptional thing) that I slept on my tummy the whole night through, every time she checked on me.  It made me feel special.
• 
  
  One time, while she was dressing me after my bath and my sister was still in the tub, I told her my sister’s shirt was my shirt because I wanted to try it on. So she put it on me. It was a belly shirt. I felt guilty the whole time I wore it. Michelle must have been too young to care, because hell did not happen.
• 
  
  Driving around downtown Bountiful. She stopped off at some store, leaving us in the backseat of her running car, and reappeared with two lofty ice cream cones, “it’s swirled, chocolate and vanilla together”, she explained. I was impressed and delighted at the expertise of swirled flavors even though I probably still went for the chocolate part.

My grandparents are elderly. I never can remember the exact number. Somehow they keep chugging, and they live generally independent despite each year whittling away at their health. They are also two of the sweetest people I know. I have never seen one without the other. They have been married 63 years.

My Grandmother endures her days with dementia. She has such a sense of humor. My mom keeps very close tabs on her and said she has her good and bad days, and I think we showed up on a good day. She wasn’t quick to recognize B.J. and Zoe, despite meeting them several times, but she recognized Michelle and I as her grandchildren (we were afraid she wouldn’t) and instantly lit up, taking us in her arms to receive us, as did my Grandpa.

We sat out on their backyard patio, ate gourmet mint brownies, and chased Zoe around in the grass. My Grandma found the name Zoe to be rather peculiar.

It was a calm evening. My Grandpa is frail and exhausted. I just wanted to sit with him and not speak, because I could see that holding a conversation even takes a lot out of him, but he is stubbornly self-sufficient. He would not let me help him with anything, insisting on playing the host while we were his guests.

As I stood in the kitchen cleaning up the wake of hurricane Zoe, my Grandpa stood in the door way watching us, and the thought rose to me, “When you are gone, I will never see you again. You will be gone forever. This moment will never occur again in the history of time, ever”.


I look up to them, and I really love them.

By unwritten law of internet social networking, this entry was supposed to detonate with the rest of the millions of 4th of July pictures posted to blogs exactly a week ago, meh. Sorry. Some people have been waiting for it since I'm the only one loyal to her holy archival ethics. Last week, however, I dunno. let's say I was too busy. Most of these pictures are substandard quality because I am ridiculous and failed to wipe off my smudged camera lens all weekend, but cute nonetheless thanks to the objects.

On Friday night we threw a family shindig at our place.  All of B.J's siblings and their families came over, my parents also stopped by.  Jill brought over a pool and Amy brought a Slip n Slide!  We chased the kids around and hung out on lawn chairs in the backyard, then moved to the front yard and sparked sparklers and ejecting army parachute men high in the sky.  The kids chased them down and Zoe was pretty eager to do like them, but we all managed not to get hit by the jerk vehicles that fly down our neighborhood.   Later BJ and his brothers amused us with a gripping firework show and we passed out 4th of July party favors of mini-flags, stickers, and these cool red/white/blue blingy blinkie rings.  It was seriously such a fun night, it turned out even better than we anticipated.  Everything fell into place and I think everyone really enjoyed the evening.  Worthy of tradition, even.

                                        Zoe and her cousin Winston kicking it poolside.

Water balloon brawl!

They found the plastic vampire teeth.

I lit a sparkler for Kylee.  The face seems to be one of simultaneous enthrallment and terror. :)

We left the pool out overnight and played in it the following day after it had warmed up (a little) and all three of us slowly waded in until the chill turned to numbness and we were okay being there. 

Zoe's suits are getting a little small on her. :(  They are all becoming flasher suits.

We also filled a cooler up with water balloons, which Zoe found fast and created mayhem with.  Mostly mayhem on herself.

Saturday was up in the air.  We defaulted to having another BBQ at our house.  I mean, I really haven't been able to find a good reason not to have a BBQ.

First album cover?

Night light version of baby!  This lighting looked so pretty through the naked eye, but didn't translate.

Sometimes Zoe and Penny look like they could be sisters...

Aw, we're pals.

Hahaha.  They reminded me of two old men veterans sitting at the parade.

Lolz.  I took advantage of Zoe's will to be like all her friends and strapped her in a carseat like Penny was in hers so she wouldn't run into the road while we were doing fireworks.  It worked for about 15 peaceful, beautiful minutes.

My pretty and patriotic sister and Ace.

This is the point where Zoe was supposed to sleep since she stayed up until midnight the night before but suddenly it was almost midnight again and she was here for the party.

The following day, we went on a picnic with our friends Ian and Stef at Silver Lake.  The canyons were swarming with people, I had never seen anything like it.  By some miracle they located a perfect picnic spot away from the chaos...it was beautiful!

Ian, Stef, and their 11 day old baby boy.

Zoe and her dad doing the trick